An Anniversary and Memories

I tend to view my life as a long succession of specific events, and I suppose that's normal. I suspect most of us measure the passage of our lives by the unique, special days that occasionally occur. For example, I can actually recall much that happened on the day I graduated from Archbishop Stepinac High School in White Plains, NY back in June 1962. But I have absolutely no recollection of anything that took place on the days immediately preceding or following it. Certain events in life just don't seem to achieve the level of importance demanded by our faulty memories. 

There are, of course, exceptions. Some years ago, during my days as a Navy pilot, I had a friend, now deceased, who spent many years as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam. The communists treated him abominably, tortured him frequently, and forced him to spend most of that time in solitary confinement. He told me that he had never thought of his memory as anything but average. In fact, he said in college he had struggled with foreign languages and organic chemistry because both demanded so much of his memory. But then he was thrown into solitary confinement in Hanoi. He was not yet 30 years old, and in an attempt to maintain his sanity, he began to review his life, working backward in time, trying to remember everything he could. He was surprised by how much he was able to retrieve, and came to believe that every detail of his life was stored away in brain cells. He just had to learn how to access it all. He got to the point where he could remember the names and faces of every child in his first grade class. (I can remember only one: Bonnie Trompeter, a beautiful little girl who I later learned went on to become a supermodel. That tells you more about me than about Bonnie or my memory.)

As for my life, the key events begin with a day I cannot remember: my Baptism in 1944, at the age of 11 days. I do, however, remember my first communion and confirmation -- first communion because it was in Bridgeport, Connecticut where we lived while our Larchmont, NY house was leased to another family (We had just returned from Germany); and confirmation at age 10 because I was enamored of a cute, little red-haired girl named Sherry. (There seems to be a pattern here.) 

Yes, I was a fairly normal kid, if a bit skinny, with many extraordinary talents, as depicted in the following photos;

Little League Athlete 

Concert Pianist

Future Aviator - Model Airplane

Of course I have many other memories -- the years our family spent in Panama City Beach, Florida and Heidelberg, Germany back in the early 1950s. High school is a bit of a blur, but in the midst (or mist) of it all I can actually recall dozens of events, many good, some not so good. I won't bore you with details of my year at Georgetown's School of Foreign Service or my four years at the U.S. Naval Academy. In general those were five good years during which I made many lifelong friends and even learned a few useful things.

On September 16, 1967 I met Dear Diane on a blind date, an event that changed my life for the good. This was followed by two other events that occurred only two weeks apart. Diane and I were married in Pensacola, Florida on November 2, 1968 and I received my Navy pilot's Wings of Gold on November 15. The former was far more important, but the latter wasn't too shabby.

Just Married - 2 November 1968

This leads me to the anniversary I celebrate today. 50 years ago, on April 17, 1970, I was the co-pilot of the recovery helicopter that picked up the Apollo 13 astronauts when they returned from their ill-fated mission to the moon. Chuck Smiley, our squadron's commanding officer was the pilot, and as his co-pilot I got to tag along. When I wasn't taking pictures with my old Leica iiiF, he actually let me take the controls for a while. Chuck, who died just a few years ago, was one of those remarkable people who shape the lives of others. He certainly shaped mine. Chuck was my hero, a very special man who taught me more than even I will ever know.

Recovery Helicopter Crew - Apollo 13

Over the years I've been asked many times to speak about the Apollo 13 recovery. Eventually I put together a slide show, and then a PowerPoint presentation, to tell the key parts of the story. Here's a link to the presentation, should you want to relive that now-ancient history.

Apollo 13 Recovery Presentation

I suppose I'll continue to remember that day in 1970, perhaps even little shreds of it when I'm locked away in one of Florida's many memory care facilities. My hope, of course, is that my body does not outlive my memory.

20 Years of Diaconal Ministry

Three weeks from today (May 24) I will celebrate the 20th anniversary of my ordination to the permanent diaconate. It seems like yesterday, so I'm having a little trouble coming to grips with the fact that it's been 20 years since that special day.

Ordination - Fall River Diocese - Bishop Sean O'Malley

As this anniversary approaches I have been drawn to reflect on both my life and my ministry during those two decades. Although much has certainly happened in my life and the life of my family, I find myself wondering whether my ministry has borne very much fruit. This is probably a natural reaction, and I should just turn it all over the God and trust that, through His grace, I have done more good than harm.

I suppose the years my brother deacons and I spent in formation were reasonably effective in preparing us for our ministry. But even so, the subsequent 20 years were filled with so much that was unanticipated and unexpected.

Hospital chaplaincy, for example, was one of those ministries I intentionally resisted. Except when absolutely necessary, I had avoided hospitals. I didn't like being around sickness and, to borrow a phrase from a younger generation, "Hospitals creep me out!" And then, about five years ago, Dear Diane volunteered the two of us as hospital chaplains at The Villages Regional Hospital. Now I find myself looking forward to our assigned days, largely because I learn so much from those whom I visit. I trust I have been able to offer them some comfort, but I know they've been a constant source of joy to me.

As Diane and I visit these wonderful patients, going from one hospital room to another, I can't help but recall St. Paul's words on how God, to demonstrate His power, calls us to our weakness:

[The Lord said to me,] "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong [2 Cor 12:9-10].

My experience in other ministries has been similar. Before arriving at my present parish, my knowledge of things liturgical was pretty much limited to those rites in which I was directly involved as a deacon. I'm certainly no liturgist. But then, to my surprise, my pastor made me the nominal head of our liturgy committee. Today most parishioners believe (wrongly) that I am personally responsible for everything liturgical that occurs in the parish. And their varying views of what constitutes proper liturgy can result in some interesting feedback. I strive, however, to do all for God's greater glory and trust that our liturgies will please Him and strengthen the faith of His people. I try to learn from my mistakes and, once again, in weakness we are called, and I hope I will continue to be a willing servant.

My previous parish on Cape Cod was blessed with many young families and so Baptisms were frequent. What a joy it is to bring a beautiful new life into God's Church through this sacrament. Yes, infant baptisms are always joyous occasions, so different from funerals. In those days I was occasionally called on to conduct an evening vigil service for a parishioner who had died, but because I was still working full-time, I rarely assisted at funerals. But now, ministering in a parish that serves thousands of retirees, baptisms are rare and the various funeral rites have become a major diaconal ministry. This, too, was unexpected.

As a veteran and retired naval officer, I am often called on to conduct committal services at the National Cemetery just down the road in Bushnell, Florida. It is a distinct honor to complete the funeral rites for our veterans who have given so much of their lives for others.

Since Diane and I "retired" to Florida 13 years ago, the one ministry that has been a constant in our lives is the Wildwood Soup Kitchen; and, again, it was Diane who brought it about and "volunteered" me. Along with a few hundred other volunteers representing over 30 local churches, we serve God's people when they come to us hungry and in need of His love. Diane is the Thursday cook and I'm the Thursday captain (an ambiguous title that means I do whatever the cook tells me). This past Thursday we prepared and served or delivered 393 meals so the need is great. This is another of those ministries that took me by surprise and has resulted in much joy.

We deacons, of course, are at the lowest level (the order of the diaconate) of the three Holy Orders. Above us are our priests (the order of the presbyterate) and our bishops (the order of the episcopate). And this is very good indeed. Because of my many years as a naval officer, I am quite used to following orders and am happy to do whatever is asked of me. I suppose I was pre-formed to be a deacon.

Most pastors -- sadly, not all -- like having us around because we willingly relieve them of much time-consuming parish work, freeing them to carry out the important pastoral work expected of them. Being a lowly deacon -- a servant -- then is a reward in itself. But we must be careful not to revel in our lowliness, for pride can infect even the most lowly among us.

And this leads me to perhaps the most surprising aspect of my ministry as deacon. Before I was ordained I can't recall any parishioner ever asking me for advice on things spiritual. It just never happened. After all, I was simply another parishioner. What could I know? (The honest answer, of course, was, "Not much.")

But once I was ordained things changed. I had been a deacon for less than 24 hours when a parishioner approached me and wanted some advice on how best to encourage his wife of 30 years to convert to Catholicism. As I recall, she was an Episcopalian who attended Mass with him every Sunday. My first thought was, what do I know about Episcopalian to Catholic conversion? The answer, of course, was little or nothing. And so I asked him, "Why are you asking me for advice?" He looked surprised and replied, "Because you're a deacon." I then asked, "I've known you for years. Why didn't you ask me before?" His reply? "You weren't a deacon then."

I suppose this man might well have had a better grasp of the effects of ordination than I. After all, as the Catechism affirms when discussing the ordination of deacons:

"The sacrament of Holy Orders marks them with an imprint ("character") which cannot be removed and which configures them to Christ, who made himself the 'deacon' or servant of all" [CCC 1570].

The parishioner seemed to understand that with ordination comes a configuring to Christ (however imperfect) and that the Holy Spirit would be there to assist me as I struggled to respond to his need.

During my years as a naval officer and later as a consultant and teacher, I was often called on to advise people on a variety of issues, some personal and some professional. As a deacon, however, I must be especially careful since the advice given often relates to a person's journey to salvation. It is not something to be taken lightly.

Let me conclude this post with a few thoughts on giving advice -- things I've learned, often the hard way, over the years.

First of all, giving advice can sometimes be dangerous. If the advice turns out to be wrong, or if it is misinterpreted, the advisee will often turn on the advisor, blaming him for any undesirable outcome. Of course, this is inherently unfair since advice is just that: merely advice. It is offered, not commanded. And the advisee must still decide whether to accept or reject it. He cannot abdicate his responsibility for actions taken, regardless of the advice he has received. Of course, the advisor has a responsibility to give his best advice.

The best advice for advisors?

Know your subject, and know it well. Don't give advice on subjects about which you lack expertise.

Know the other person and their level of knowledge. The only way to do this is to ask questions, and continue to do so until you are comfortable with the answers. (It's hard to be quiet when you're an expert.)

The perceived quality of advice is usually based on a combination of the recognized knowledge and experience -- the expertise -- of the advisor. An effective advisor not only knows his own limitations, but also understands the capabilities and temperament of the one he advises. Advice that cannot or will not be followed is no advice at all.

When the advice relates to human activity, other factors, many of them unknown or unanticipated, can influence the outcome. All other things being equal, the more specific the activity, the more predictable the outcome, and the more likely the advice will be sound.

For example, Dear Diane once advised me on the best way to make a hard-boiled egg, a snack I particularly enjoy. The task is specific, with relatively simple steps, and if I follow her advice closely, the desired outcome is always achieved, and I, the advisee, am content.

But if, for some inexplicable reason, I were called on to plan and prepare a complete, multi-course dinner for eight guests, and do so personally without Dear Diane's active supervision, no amount of specific advice would prevent a disastrous outcome. The main task is well beyond my current capabilities and the specificity needed would overwhelm me. In this instance, the best advice would be to call a caterer.

Advisors also get into trouble when dealing with generalities. We can think and speak in generalities but you and I don't do general things. All of our actions are specific. And to make the transition from the general to the specific is never easy.

Some years ago a young man came to me for some spiritual advice. I was not a spiritual director, merely a deacon, but something in my homily that morning got his attention, and so after Mass he approached me in the sacristy. I was in a bit of a hurry, so when he told me he felt "spiritually empty," I asked him about his prayer life. He responded that he had none. My advice? I tossed him a few spiritual platitudes and ended with, "You have to deepen your prayer life and develop a personal relationship with the Lord."

Was this good advice? Well, I suppose so, in a general sort of way. But then, fortunately, I noticed the look of complete confusion on his face and realized he didn't know what I was talking about. A few minutes of dialogue convinced me he didn't know how to pray. I also learned that he hadn't been in a church since his Confirmation almost 15 years earlier.

The Holy Spirit had drawn that young man to Mass that morning and in my haste I had almost sent him away empty. Indeed, he would have left in worse shape spiritually since my initial advice was, to him, incomprehensible. Eventually we met several times to discuss prayer and spirituality, and I'm happy to say that he is now an active parishioner.

I'm also happy to say that I leave most spiritual direction to those better trained than I to perform this challenging work. But answering others' questions on their faith, advising them on specific issues, helping them understand God's enduring love for them -- all this and more have been a wonderfully surprising part of my diaconal ministry for the past 20 years. I don't know how long our loving God will allow Diane and me to minister to His people, but any time is a blessing for which we thank Him daily.

Aniversary Thoughts

Newly Married - Swords Held High

Today is our anniversary! Dear Diane and I married 48 years ago on November 2, 1968. You should not read anything into the fact that it was also All Souls Day, the day we are called to remember all the faithful departed. We didn't want to be married on All Souls Day, but the decision was based on my schedule at the time. I was in the final week of flight training and would be leaving Pensacola only a few days later. It was the only available Saturday. As I recall, Fr. Ryan, the Catholic Chaplain at NAS Pensacola, got a special dispensation to celebrate a marriage on that day. 

Remember the black vestments priests wore on All Souls Day and at funerals? Very somber stuff. Indeed, among liturgists there is still an ongoing discussion about the use of black or white vestments on such occasions. But because we were married outside of Mass, Fr. Ryan just wore a cassock and fancy surplice and stole. We had decided not to have a Nuptial Mass since only my parents, a few friends, and Diane and I were Catholic. Almost everybody else who attended -- and it was a good crowd -- were Southern Baptists.

The Wedding Party and Fr, Ryan

Our schedule today has once again made celebration a bit inconvenient. We decided, therefore, to celebrate tomorrow evening, after our day at the Wildwood Soup Kitchen. We'll go out to dinner at a local restaurant and enjoy a nice meal...I hope. Yep, it's hard to celebrate when life keeps getting in the way.

Now...on to the elections.

Because I cannot imagine Hillary Clinton as our president -- indeed, it's been difficult enough suffering through the past eight years in which the culture of death was so overtly manifested -- I will vote for Donald Trump. I harbor no illusions about the man. And should he be elected I expect he will be differ little from the Republicans who preceded him in the office. They all sounded strongly pro-life, and yet none of them ever did anything substantial to save the lives of the more than 50 million American innocents who have been slaughtered by abortion. Yes, I will "put no trust in princes, in the children of Adam powerless to save..." [Ps 146:3], but will put my trust only in our loving, saving God. 

Donald Trump may have many of us guessing about his true beliefs, but we don't have to guess about Hillary Clinton; we know what she thinks about the unborn: they are simply fodder for the Planned Parenthood killing machine. And anyone who votes for her is simply an accessory to the slaughter she supports.

I can understand those who have decided not to vote for either Clinton or Trump, or who will cast their vote for a third party candidate. I don't agree with such decisions because they only increase Hillary's chances, but I understand the supposed moral dilemma. It's important, however, to realize that all people -- and politicians and politician wannabes are no exceptions -- are sinners. We are all fallible. And so every election involves a choice between the imperfect and the imperfect. All we can do is set aside such inconsequential indicators as personality and race and sex and choose the person who more closely mirrors Christ's teachings and the values we hold dear.

I was also greatly disappointed yesterday when George P. Bush -- Jeb's son and George W.'s nephew -- "speculated" that his uncle would probably join his grandfather, George H. W. Bush, in voting for Hillary Clinton. It's hard to imagine the two Bush presidents voting for this woman, but their personal dislike of Donald Trump seemingly outweighs their love of country and their sense of morality. And make no mistake, everyone's choice in this election is a moral choice. The former presidents' decisions also lead one to believe that their purported pro-life views were really not so strongly held, but were simply a sham, a means to election and re-election. It will be very hard for me ever again to take them seriously. It pains me -- not to admit I was wrong about them, for I'm wrong more often than I'm right -- no, it pains me that these men would vote for Mrs. Clinton. Let's hope that nephew and grandson George is mistaken and the former presidents will let the nation know this.

Isn't it remarkable, though, how this election has made so many of our political and societal elites completely transparent. Not only have we learned much about them via their emails, and tweets, and Facebook rants, but in their anger and their panic they have repeatedly let down their guard and shown us who they really are and what they think of the American people.

Ah, well, I will be glad when November 9th rolls around and the election is behind us. I'm tired of the political ads, the know-nothing talking heads, the polls, the irritating phone calls, and I'm especially tired of the politicians.

Thank God for God. Only He can take the evil we do and bring good out of it. Go ahead and vote, but then get on your knees and ask God to help this nation, to bring it back to Him.

St. Anthony Church, New Bedford, Massachusetts

Exterior of St. Anthony Church

Less than two weeks ago, on May 24, I and 20 of my brother deacons celebrated the 15th anniversary of our ordination as permanent deacons by then-Bishop of Fall River, Sean O'Malley. We were ordained in one of the largest and most beautiful churches in New England, St. Anthony of Padua Church in New Bedford, Massachusetts.

Our ordination, May 24, 1997

Yesterday, while reading the latest issue of the National Catholic Register, I came across a wonderful article celebrating St. Anthony's 100th anniversary. I truly enjoyed reading about this remarkable church and its history, and expect you will as well. Here's the link: St. Anthony's Church Has Cathedral Proportions.

I've included just a few photos of the church. Visit the parish's website and view the "Virtual Tour" to get a true impression of the beauty of this church.

The nave of St. Anthony Church

How blessed we were to have been ordained at St. Anthony's.

Please keep me and my brother deacons in your prayers.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A Special Day

Somehow it seems especially fitting that today is not only Election Day but also All Souls Day, the memorial on which we commemorate those who have gone before us, including those little ones who had God's gift of life snatched from them while they were still in the womb. And so, for those of you who have not yet gone to the polls, I have only one message...

Today is also our 42nd anniversary. Happy day, dear Diane! I'm so glad we've been able to share all 15,340 days that have made up this odd and wonderful journey of ours...but who's counting?

God's peace...